i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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