I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
