he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
