My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
