Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
