Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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