Cold hands, warm shart.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
