I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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