even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
