i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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