I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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