Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
