Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
