U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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