Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
