i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
