bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ketchup is God's man juice
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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