I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
