I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
