I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The best revenge is premature balding
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
