We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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