We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
