I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
