There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
