Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
