Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
