he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
