I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
