Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
