hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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