Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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