I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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