Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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