i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
