She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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