dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
