you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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