where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
