I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
