I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
