They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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