Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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