pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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