Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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