ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
