I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
