wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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