one two three fourrrrnication!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
