Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
