I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Randomize
