nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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