In the future we'll all be gay
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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