So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
