Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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