her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
