So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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