I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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