I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
