My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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