Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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