I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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