Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
