yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We won't sleep together?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
