she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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