PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
