i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize