? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
