Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can I color on your dick again?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
