So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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