So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
