I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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