my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
