I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
