You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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